why it is the way it is about my blog

so here's the deal with my user name.
km stands for my initials.
Awesome is meant in two different ways depending on the day, or occurrences there in.
Awesome as in super cool. ( yup i'm a dork but that's okay i've got a few people who love me anyways and anybody who doesn't, well they don't have to deal with me i guess.)
However i also mean awesome in the sarcastic sense as in : i was so totally awesome i locked my keys in the photocopy room.
i tend to have many awesomely ridiculous moments like that too.

Now for the blog title.
i used to live in a rather idealistic world a rather lovely place filled with sunshine, lollipops and rainbows and all other forms of happy things. It was basically my shelter from the harshness of the realities in my life, it was easier to escape there than to deal with it all.
However about 2 1/2 years ago it began to crack and shatter as one of the biggest blows in my life occurred, the worst kind of betrayal, and suddenly it began to fall apart. no longer could i be there because i had to begin to deal with this, i was spending far to much time there and my little rays of sunshine were having a hard time getting through because i just needed to escape and they needed me and i had nothing left to give there was nothing left of me. i had to take a good hard look at my life and the circumstances within it my world shattered the pain rushed in and i was a mess.
i soon began to realize some of my root issues for things that i had not realized before. a lot of baggage carried on from adolescence that i didn't even realize i had, for it was packed into other bags. this was a positive outcome from an otherwise devastating experience, so there's my silver lining as it were.
some days i try to go back when my rays of sunshine are more like rainclouds and everything is thundering in my head i sit and bask in the memories of happier times, and search for the glimmers of hope that shine like stars in this dark night of my life.
so here i am now living in the aftermath of the destruction of my safe place.
welcome to me.