little rays of sunshine

ever find yourself in a bit of a funk that you can't see past? caught in a poor me cycle looking around at the things you are "missing" in your life and forgetting what you have right in front of you?
i seem to be having those days more often than i'd like lately, especially forgetting that children are a gift from God and not the burdens that i sometimes think they are.
i find myself wondering how different life would have been without them, and wondering sometimes if they'd be better off without me, but know that they're entrusted to me for a reason, and realizing all the things i would miss out on if they weren't here.
today my head was just spinning no particular point of focus just overwhelmed by situations, thoughts and grumpiness. i had to just sit down and then the tears started, only to be greeted by a question "why are you sad mommy?" followed by a snuggle, and a little hand rubbing my cheek saying "poor mommy." in a minute or two we were all laughing, replacing the darkness with bright rainbows of laughter from my little rays of sunshine.
not that some days aren't hard, but knowing full well that it is a roller coaster ride full of ups and downs most days are a mix others highs still others lows, but often if i look hard enough no day is completely dark, the sun shines through at least a few times.
we're all learning how to be a family, our family with an ever changing dynamic, and that's the way it always be ever changing and evolving as life happens. hopefully we'll stumble on together in the right direction for all of us.
as for moments like today, i'll be grateful for the blessings that sometimes seem few and far between, and grateful for God , His blessings and promises seen in the rainbows given out by my little rays of sunshine.