i should...

I should be doing a lot of things right now, like baking, or cleaning, or sleeping, but i am not. i sit at my computer and just do stuff. why? i am striving for connections that i lack but am not sure how to acquire. and i am tired and keep telling myself i just have to get my baking done for tomorrow, but just keep sitting here telling myself to do it.
i should exercise and eat better, instead i keep praying that chocolates in all forms and the things that go in them will suddenly be the new power food and rev up my metabolism with it's sweet caffeiney goodness, and thinking that i'll get around to doing the exercise thing later.
i should just be able to let go of stuff in my life and move on in like fashion, but there are still so many lingering questions that may never be answered to my satisfaction and sometimes life just doesn't make sense.
i should be fighting for more things in my life but i am worn out from my last battle and feel like i've got very little fight left in my so i've got to save it for the big stuff.
i should look to God to fill my life but instead i look to to others to fill the gaps, yet i know it is futile and with God in there no gaps would exist yet i fight it, because i feel unworthy of suck an honor and perhaps feel the need for the security of being stuck because at least it's what i know, i if was to be unstuck, where would i go and what would i have to do? would it hurt again? i'd almost much rather hide out in a cave, but have this deep longing for connection and company for people to know me and love me for who i am.
i should not care what people think or if they like me or not but i still kind of do.
but i really should start baking, so i will go and bake, and take a small step in achieving one thing on my to do list for now.

**note i did not get to it untill about an hour later :(
but pondered more things i should know and do, and the number one is that no matter what God loves and accepts me the way i am, and i should take comfort in that fact.