light bulbs

so today on my way home i had a few light bulbs go off for me and all of it stemmed from conversations earlier in the evening.

tonight i was at a Q&A about the Holy Spirit. i responded to a question asked by the facilitator about our experiences and mentioned that in some ways i had felt inferior in a way in regards to the topic. later i asked for clarification on a point that was made, and i did not receive the clarification i desired, and it was answered in a way that implied i had asked because of my insecurity issue. when i originally asked the question it was not to validate or prove my insecurity but rather to understand the concept being spoken of, however as i pondered it later, which i often do, (replay frustrating moments in my head that is) i guess i came to the conclusion that perhaps the deeper roots of my question was confirmation of my "inferiority" without realizing that may be why i needed it in the first place.

after the discussion, i was talking to an acquaintance with whom i have served with on a ministry team. he is leaving for another job opportunity, and i was saying my good byes to him and we got to talking about our ministry. he really encouraged me in an area where i have sometimes felt discouraged and inferior to others, and as i pondered this more, (this time because of the kind words that were spoken), i realized why i have seemed to be drawn to the age group i work with , it was then that my world began to fall apart. so i guess that i want to somehow instill in them the things that i know may have helped me that i still struggle with. and also to be of help in some way to them if they are in or come on those times in their lives. but did not realize it until tonight.

it is amazing the people God puts into our lives; the reasons why, the things they say and the timing of it all.
it's funny how last week we talked about the Holy Spirit being our advocate to help us and have been talking about "God moments" lately and how tonight while i did learn a lot and get something from the discussions it was the pondering and talking with God on the way home and all the things he revealed to me while it was just the two of us in the car.