the void

it is funny how sometimes doing things that are supposed to fill the empty void only make it bigger and emptier. Even though i often know what the right thing to do is and that anything i try to do on my own will always end up leaving me unfulfilled, i still try. sometimes i feel as though i am missing out on things that seemingly make other happier or improve their lives only to find out when i do, it leaves me miserable and empty. i hope that someday i will be able to use them to help someone through a similar situation or to help deter them from making a similar mistake. as always it is a learning and growth experience, but the scars that it leaves still serve to leave my heart in a state of disrepair and a sense of being more damaged than i was before.