There is a hole
it is deep
i try to fill it
it widens
the more i try
the larger it grows
i know that i must give up
yet somehow hold out
believing i can sufficiently fill the hole
i know i cannot but proceed with stubborn determination
i know He needs to do the job
the only one who can
yet i hesitate to relinquish control
futility at it's finest
self righteous & prideful
afraid of what it means to just let go...

the void

it is funny how sometimes doing things that are supposed to fill the empty void only make it bigger and emptier. Even though i often know what the right thing to do is and that anything i try to do on my own will always end up leaving me unfulfilled, i still try. sometimes i feel as though i am missing out on things that seemingly make other happier or improve their lives only to find out when i do, it leaves me miserable and empty. i hope that someday i will be able to use them to help someone through a similar situation or to help deter them from making a similar mistake. as always it is a learning and growth experience, but the scars that it leaves still serve to leave my heart in a state of disrepair and a sense of being more damaged than i was before.