Words

pretty words for ugly thoughts and feelings, is some ridiculous attempt to make them seem better, or to feel better about them.

i wonder if i do it so that in some area of my life i can feel elegant, if only through the word pictures i create....however i would also venture to guess that often they are more like a 3 legged ox than a swimming swan.


i like hearing pretty words, but they must have substance behind them, the feelings must be true, for when pretty words are empty it is like frostbite on the heart.

somehow sugar coating the truth makes it easier to swallow, but life is rarely like that the truth can be bitter to swallow and burns as it goes down, there is nothing you can do to change it, just endure and accept it.

there is power in words, the power of life and death, the power to harm or heal, include or exclude.
i want my words to be powerful because of the message they speak but i want them to be pretty as well, to convey that bitter truth but to sugar coat it enough to make it a little easier to swallow. the world is harsh enough...but does sweetening it somehow diminish the power of the truth???
i don't know, all i know is the truth will cram itself down your throat whether you want it or not i just hope whoever is feeding it to me is kind enough to pass the syrup.

underestimation and judgement

i have come to the conclusion that whether or not we like it God will show us our weakness, and satan will exploit it.
there are many things in life i thought i would never do. i never understood how people could do them, and in a way i thought that i was just that much better a person because of it. Pride has a way of knocking you on your butt and whether or not you eat it you are served your piece of humble pie. i thought that because i had resisted something so well before, that it would be no problem to do it again....funny how circumstances change, mindsets are altered, and mood determines strength of will, and underestimation will catch you with your defences down.
funny how easy it is to judge others when they fall, and yet be so susceptible to it myself.
i know that satan exploits our weakness and yet i was not watching out for it and didn't care to. the good thing in all of this is lessons were learned and a new understanding was born.
Pride comes before a fall, listen to that still small voice in your head, and never try to overcome it on your own.

Imperfections

I am not perfect :O i know that may be a shock, but i am far from it, in fact i don't think that i have ever had that feeling of a perfect time in my life or a perfect moment. i have managed to screw up what should have been some pretty good moments and other moments have been spoiled for me. I do have moments when for that brief time all seems right with the world, but i know it is only for those few moments. But imperfections are what drive us to be something better, sometimes or they can lead us to overcompensate for our shortcomings. Funny how we all strive to be "normal" and yet no one really has any idea what normal is. "normal" changes all the time. i have decided that i need to become more comfortable with my imperfections, not to give myself an abdication from my responsibilities but to know that when i do something it doesn't have to be perfect and that it is still worth doing even if it is not entirely right. that it's mostly the process not the final product where we learn the most valuable lessons. so often my perfectionistic tendencies keep me from trying things because i know i cannot do them right that it has become a struggle to do many things because they are just not good enough. and when everything in life seems as though it is an uphill battle it loses much of it's joy and possibility and seems to be overwhelmed by drudgery. my goal is to find my passion and relentlessly pursue it no matter if i am good at it or not. and i must promise to do what i need to how i need to do it even if it is not the "right" way. i will try to learn from others without comparing myself to them, and i will remember that every failure holds some lesson and a chance to improve the next time round. it is ok to be me and anyone worth being around will love me imperfections and all.